* - - &. MEANINGLESS ! ( open )

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
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'When that time comes, when your world has lost all meaning, won't you follow me?'

Faded, half forgotten memories rang throughout his head; a whirlpool of emotions, feelings and words he would rather let go of, even as he clung desperately to the last remnants of his old self, his old life. He just couldn't let go of the past, no matter how it hurt; he would live with the hurt if it meant keeping memories of his happier days. And...he would never want to forget her.

Indeed, 'that time' had come and it had gone a few years ago and his life no longer had any meaning, there was no reason for him not to cast off these mortal shackles, yet... Why was he still here? At the time, he had been angry, angry at her and angry at him. Why would he want to follow her after the pain she had inflicted upon him? But still, his heart remained hers and now, he was ashamed. He couldn't leave now and face her disappointment at his broken promise. He was too scared now.

The peaceful surroundings seemed oblivious to the emotions raging through the stallion as he galloped across the soft grass towards the still water of the river which sparkled like a thousand diamonds in the pale moonlight. Why his emotions had chosen now to go out of check evaded Valentine; perhaps it was that this place reminded him of then, only now the air was cool and not intense with the heat of angered flames.

Reaching the bank of the river, Valentine watched as the water bubbled from the heat exuding from his body and he realised he was half trembling in anger. He shook his chestnut head, letting soft mane blow out in the light breeze and took a couple of steps into the water, dipping his head to the surface and closing his blue eyes. The water calmed down and the air surrounding his body cooled down.

Who had incurred his wrath? Himself? Hah, there was no reason, he was not at fault. He had never been at fault. But these were thoughts he must not dwell on, they were in the past. He needed to keep his anger in check; despite being able to manipulate flames and resisting their burns, he still found the heat terribly uncomfortable. This 'power' was more like a burden in his eyes.

Deciding that he was quite hot enough, Valentine made his way to a more shallow part of the river. He took great mouthfuls of the refreshing crystalline water before dropping down and rolling in it, allowing the water to drench his fur. Such a relief to be cooled down on a close night like this. He let out a chuckle as he stood up, shaking out the excess water from his mane and tail and spraying his surroundings with the droplets.

And he stood, in the middle of the river, a silhouette against the full, low hanging moon, shadow stretching across the land behind him. A miniscule being in a world too big - and too empty - for him.

((ooc : crappy post is crappy Dx But at least it's finally posted n.n;; and just say if the red hurts... ^^;))

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ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

Pink eyes opened wide took in the beauty of the full moon, trembling lips curled up into a smile at the beauty of the world.

There were too many horrors, but moments like this made her appreciate life.

Too many took life for granted, never having a chance to forsake their reckless actions until their corpse was rotting and taking part as a nursery for the flies and maggots. Oh if only the dead could talk, the stories they could tell. But that was just the thing; the small grey mare had walked by many decaying corpses only to stop and be forced to calm the spirits of their woes. It was hard being a ghost whisperer, it took her so long to figure out all the voices in her head was not her going crazy, but the many dead of Palmyra crying to her begging her for some sort of retribution, a touch of her lips to their spirit could drag even the oldest soul back to the living as a body of vapor until she, their resurrecting mistress, died.

But Saga did not do that often, she felt that the dead were better left as is, there was already a Dead Alliance, it was their fault that they crossed over to the other side too soon.

The last thing the world needed was rogue ghosts wandering around all willy-nilly without a Dead overlord governing their deceased actions. The mare tore her eyes away from the silver moon and blinked, oh how she hated the night. At night was when one could hear the dead even more, their shrieks grew louder as the sun went down and continued until dawn. She rarely got sleep on account that desperate pleas for a second chance echoed in her mind every time she closed her eyes.

Sighing she turned her back to the moon and continued her aimless wandering down the Eran River banks.

Closing her eyes as she walked she placed her hooves delicately in the wet sand of the riverbanks, the sound of her hooves pulling up from the wet sand made a sick tearing noise.
Like tearing flesh.
The morbid thought was quickly disbanded and she opened her eyes again, surprised to see that she had come upon another horse standing in the river. Pulling back slightly she gazed at the silhouetted figure outlined silver by the moon. Unsure of what to say she didn’t stop herself before walking closer as her eyes found the glowing blue tattoo on his hip.

The stranger was no foe, but a potential friend.

You most certainly have a good idea for a night as hot as this.
She felt stupid for pointing out the obvious and quickly shut her mouth, waiting for the horse’s reply.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
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With eyes closed, Valentine let the water gently lap against his hooves and legs, allowing it's soft rhythm to calm him down and clear his mind. There was no need to live in the past.

His somewhat relaxed state prevented him from noticing the arrival of the stranger until her words had drifted through the air and reached his ears. As it was, the sound of her voice made him jump slightly and he quickly turned around, somewhat embarrassed at being caught unawares. His eyes quickly found the source of the voice - a dashing gray coloured mare. Upon closer inspection, he found blue markings on her form. So she was of the white alliance too.

Water sloshed higher up his legs as he took a few steps closer to the mare, stopping not too far, yet not too close. He looked her over once more before opening his own mouth to speak, deep tone reverberating in the still air.

"A good idea, huh?" He spoke almost as if to himself; like he was thinking her words out loud. Valentine turned his head back to look at the water, droplets falling from his mane at the movement. He stood for a short while before chuckling lightly, turning his blue gaze back to the mare. "I suppose so. It certainly is a warm night, isn't it?" The chuckle was still present in his voice as he spoke friendlily. Some idle chatter was always a good thing to keep unwanted thoughts and memories at bay.

Valentine took a couple more steps towards the mare, dipping his head slightly. He didn't want to appear intimidating to her, though by the looks of it, he wasn't much bigger than her - if he was bigger at all. "I'm guessing - by you markings - that you are of the White Alliance as well?" Now was his turn to point out the obvious, though one couldn't be entirely sure as to where a creature's loyalties truly lay.

"Though I feel obliged to ask what such a pretty mare as yourself is doing out here alone. Especially so late at night" He was curious as to whether any other horses where with her. He tended to stay away from larger groups; after all, two's company, three's a crowd.

.... ........ .. ........
ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

A deep voice hit the still night air; she almost started and looked around, only to realize that the horse she had only recently come upon was merely answering her. Squinting she noticed that through the silvery reflection of the moon he was a light honey colored stallion. He did not seem to be built too thickly, nor did it look like he was tall. This elated her, it was rare to find a horse as small as her, it seemed like the world was infused with growth hormones and made every other creature gigantic.

The size of some horses almost scared her, but once she remembered the things she heard daily from the dead she realized it took a lot to scare her.

Lifting her slightly dished head she took a few tentative steps closer, it was rude to continue a conversation from so far away, and she felt she could get a much better look closer up. There was something about his voice that just wasn’t right, the last few words seemed almost sorrowed, angered. But she did not focus on such nonsense; it was not her place to be so nosy. But of course the claws of curiosity had already sunk in, questions dying to be answered sat stagnant at the back of her mind.

Now was not the time for deep intrapersonal conversation, now was the time for introductions.

When he mentioned her markings and the White Alliance she looked down at her blue glowing front legs as if to make sure he wasn’t seeing something she already didn’t know about herself. Looking back at him, her eyes still drawn to his blue sun marking, she nodded and said,
Yes, I was born into the alliance and I will most likely die in the alliance.
She smiled and uttered a word of agreement as he mentioned that it was indeed too hot to not be immersed in water.

So used to traveling alone and not conversing much, if she had not been paying attention to what he was saying, she would have missed his subtly placed compliment.

It was weird to hear words of praise aimed in her direction. Perking her ears up she almost felt a twinge of pain as he inquired about any other company. Sadly, Saga was a one-man band, she sang her songs and talked to the dead alone. Shaking her head slowly she sadly said,
No, I travel alone.

She figured it would also be nice to be the first to introduce herself,
My name is Saga.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
.. .. ... .. ... .. .. . .. ...

There was something...almost strange about this mare. Had she caught the hidden tone in his voice when he had spoken? Had this struck up the curiosity within her? He though he had hidden the hint of sadness in his voice, the hint of his emotions; after all he had been doing it expertly for some time now. Valentine couldn't exactly figure how she could have, or even why it should bother him that she had picked up on it. But still...

Caught slightly by surprise, Valentine took a step backwards as the mare moved forward, but he corrected himself, clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably, taking one step towards her. There was definitely something bothering him tonight and his mind wasn't focussing properly on his surroundings.

Nodding his head at the mare's words, Valentine listened to her words. He let a small smile of amusement grace his features as he noticed her looking down at her body, as if checking to see if she truly was of the white alliance. Smile turned into a frown however as she mentioned something about dying in the alliance; it was a bit of a morbid thing to say, though he guessed it was true. Certainly, he had never thought about defecting from his alliance, even if he never really spent much time with others from it nor play any kind of part in his alliance.

Politely waiting for the mare to finish speaking - it was only proper to treat mares with the utmost respect - Valentine spoke only when sure she was done. "It seems saddening, to me, that such a mare would be travelling alone." His voice held the lilt of a gentleman, though an undertone of danger and even sorrow still lay in it. "Surely you should have plenty of friends, or even admirers with you, no?"

Letting his deep blue eyes rest on the mare's own pink ones - it was an odd colour of eyes, he would admit, though he still found them enthralling - Valentine bowed his head low to the mare, in a show of manners. "What a beautiful name, it truly suits you." Now, it would only be mannerly of him to give his own name, in return for hers; even if she hadn't asked. "My name is Valentine. It's a pleasure to meet you, dear Saga." He let the name roll off his tongue, enjoying the feel of it.

But still, he didn't know what he was doing, talking to this mare in such a way.

.... ........ .. ........
ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

Her mind kept rolling back onto his compliment. It was weird, but satisfying at the same time. Her deprived social life begged for more, like a chained dog, pulling against its restraints pleading for another drop of food… or an abused child, just searching for one more hug from its mother. But Saga was not a good mother to her social life; she merely pushed it away again. She had taught herself that socialization equaled attachment, attachment equaled pain when the one she was attached to died.

Of course, just a touch of their soul could bring them back.

Saga had tried that once with a childhood friend taken so young in one of the many battles. She was absolutely heart-broken when the news reached her. Her friend had been so full of life, so eager to pursue her future, but one swift blow from a Black Alliance soldier had ended it all. That friend had been her only close friend, her only confidante; she was so desperate for the companionship back that she brought her friend back. At first, it was wonderful to have her old friend back again, but after a while she realized her friend was miserable, cold, distanced from her. Her friend was merely a ghost she had pulled out of the peaceful otherworld for her own selfish needs. Frantic to find a solution to the horrible deed she had done, the answer to her distressed question came in the form of a plea to the Goddess, that unless she died, any creature she brought back would aimlessly wander Palmyra until she died.

For the longest time, the burden was too much to bear.

After a while, she grew numb to the self hate and began to focus on solving the dead’s problem. For a few years now she has successfully immersed herself into her burden-bringing powers to forget all of her own woes, eager to take on the other-world’s problems. She had been so deeply immersed in thought she almost missed his second compliment. The warm words of kindness made her heart flutter. What a deprived little girl she was! He mentioned friends or admirers and she laughed rather coldly,
The Dead that claim they need my help are no companions, I am indeed the only friendship I think I ever need.
Tired of being the only one to be doted on with words of admiration she tried complimenting out for herself,
Though, if it is not too bold of me to say, it does not seem right that you travel alone either, unless I’m mistaken and your admirers or companions are hiding while you take a dip in the river?

If the mare could blush she would, the idea of ‘flirting’ was entirely new to her and she was probably failing at it.

And then came the third compliment.
System overload.
Cannot compute.

His kind nature was confusing her, most stallions did not treat most mares with such kind mannerisms and he was blowing her mind.
Well thank you, your name fits you as well, Valentine. And while the night is beautiful and should be admired by as many as possible, there must be a reason as to why you are standing in the Eran river?
She never was one to dance around her curiosity for a long time.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
.. .. ... .. ... .. .. . .. ...

"The.....dead....?"

Did she just imply that the dead were her travelling companions? That they needed her help? How was that possible? Although Valentine did feel sorrow for her; did she choose to travel alone? He could not stand to see another living a lonely life when they didn't need to; it wasn't right. He did not miss her cold laugh as she had spoken. Maybe it was her choice, but an unavoidable one, an unwanted one. Maybe she felt the need to be alone, just as he did.

Valentine's face fell as she mentioned his own travelling companions. He could never let himself get close to anyone, he would always leave on his own. In truth, he was scared of getting close. If something like that happened again, he didn't know if he could bear it. It would break him. Besides, others were just too noisy, too overbearing, they would get in the way of whatever he would be doing. (lies, lies, lies; he was lying to himself, but still he drank these thoughts and feelings in as truth).

It was his turn to emit an icy chuckle, he did nought to hide the pain that rang in it and it seemed to contrast greatly to how his words came out; fake acceptance, enjoyment. "No, my dear. I am as you see me. Alone. I prefer the quiet reflection of being by one's lonesome. It gives me some peace, at least." Now he was not only lying to himself, but to her too. How much more deceit would be necessary?

Not wanting to dwell on this any more, he looked more closely at the mare -Saga, her name was Saga. (Was he already getting too close? No, it was only a name). His eyes narrowed mischievously; was she...embarrassed, had he flattered her, confused her? She seemed to be a novice to giving such compliments but he wouldn't say anything about it now, though he gave another amused chuckle, enjoying this wonderful night. "Why thank you." he answered her compliment while bowing his head dramatically, a mock of how a true gentlemanly horse would behave.

Throwing his head back and letting out a light laugh, Valentine held the amusement in his voice for the first time in a while. "Curious, aren't you?" he mused, not unkindly. "I'm afraid, I must disappoint any wild theories that one might form. I simply wandered here by accident; such a peaceful, quiet night where one wouldn't be paying attention to where he was heading in a leisurely stroll. But still, I find the still water to have quite a calming effect. Don't you?" He smiled at her, his voice was akin to velvet, brushing through the air and caressing the ears of any listener. "Besides, on such a hot night, the coolness is greatly appreciated, no? Though I don't want to seem rude, but you never answered the same question that I posed to you but a few minutes ago. What would bring you here?" He turned her question back on her, though still kept his voice and demeanour as polite as he could; the last thing he would want was to insult her.

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ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

The mare quickly felt discouraged as he mentioned the dead. Had she spoken of her creepy power too soon? Had she divulged too much information already? The panic attack that set in was a quick one, tearing apart her brain like starved piranhas would a cow, stripping flesh from bone in a mere matter of minutes. It was like her entire system was shutting down now in fear that he’d run away from her, just like most others did. She didn’t know what to do, and she did not realize that she had tensed up until he thanked her failed batch of her compliments.

His words launched her mind back with the living (haha…the living).

She took a deep breath and allowed her muscles to relax again, she did not want to look like she was intimidated by him, first impressions were always important and there was no quicker way to kill a friendship than to act like you were terrified of the potential friend. Saga smiled softly as he dramatically bowed to her, it was so weird do watch a stallion acting such a way, but she would not complain. Beggars were most certainly not choosers.

Soon it was his turn to laugh with a cold bite to the generally joyous action.

Saga suddenly realized that a cold laughter was not as warming nor inviting as normal laughter and it made her skin crawl. She suppressed her desire to shudder and listened to him carefully. When he mentioned that the water had a calming effect she slowly looked at the water, glowing silver in the full moon’s reflection, it was indeed calming even to just look at. Taking a few more steps forward she found that she had her front feet emerged in the clear river water, but she could see the souls of the dead fish swirling around just beneath the surface and she quickly backed away, not wanting to touch them, not wanting to bring the fish back.
Oh…yes, it is relaxing I suppose, but I’ll just look at it from here…I…don’t know how to swim.
What a lie, but she did not want to tell the truth.

The grey mare was a dirty little girl like that.

Deceitful if the need matched the situation. She found it sad that he too was as alone as she was; a stray thought wondered if he was as alone in this cruel, desolate world as she was. She doubted it, he probably had family, a lover, a family, all the things she didn’t have. She felt a jealous pang stab her heart as she thought of all the horses probably safe and sound asleep in their homes, not even hearing a single whisper of the dead, no quiet Help me… in the middle of a peaceful dream only to be rocked awake as the flowers in the dream begin to bleed.

Flowers didn’t bleed.

Looking back at him and smiling as he turned her question back on her she decided that she had nothing but another lost companion to lose and calmly explained,
Nothing too particular has brought me here, I can talk to the dead, you see. I can also bring them back if I wanted to…but on a world so ripped apart by war you can imagine there’s plenty of souls begging for a second chance, for retribution. I wander simply looking for relief from their painful whispers, it’s an obligation I suppose…I feel like I’m the only one to help them, it’s a lonely life as you can imagine. At least you are not burdened with the ability to bring the dead back by force then watch them as they wander their second life nothing but a shell of what they were before, you know. Doomed to stay like that until I die.
That was just the cold hard truth of it all.

She waited for him to back away and tell her he had to be home before the moon was too high in the sky.
She wouldn’t blame him.
She was lonely.
She was crazy.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
.. .. ... .. ... .. .. . .. ...

Certainly he had never won any kind of award for his observational skills -he had managed to make the majority of the journey here without paying attention to where exactly he was going- but he didn't miss the way Saga had tensed up at his mentioning the dead. It seemed it must be a subject she felt quite uncomfortable about and he wished he hadn't mentioned it; but how was he to know? Although surely talking about the dead would be a most uncomfortable conversation for anyone. Except of course those who dealt death on an almost daily basis. Sick...even Valentine could feel like a saint compared to creatures like that.

Fortunately, she soon seemed to relax, though he couldn't help but think...was she still uncomfortable in his presence?

He didn't have much time to think this over as she spoke soon, in response to his words. Although he had also managed to catch her rapid retreat from the water, making sure she wasn't touching it. Funny, he thought, how she mentioned not being able to swim. Really? Valentine looked down at his hooves -which were distorted, twisted by the water covering them- as if to remind himself just how deep the water here was. Perhaps it was deeper than he had thought and, as went unnoticed by him, his hooves weren't actually touching the soft mud at the bottom.

Nope, he was pretty sure that the water was only just, if even, coming up to his knees. Certainly not meant for swimming in. Was she...hiding something?

There was no way Valentine would blame her for not giving him the truth, he was a stranger, after all. He would do his best to hide all his truths from someone he hardly knew, or had just met. And indeed, he would even lie to those he did know, to his friends, the ones close to him. Not that he wanted to get close to anyone again.

Looking once more at the water he was standing in, Valentine felt an involuntary shudder run down his spine. Saga looked like she was almost...scared of the water. Was there something he didn't know about it? Should he really be standing in the middle of the river? Suddenly the water didn't seem just as comforting to him as it had earlier. Suddenly it seemed a lot colder. Suddenly, the sticky mud blanketing the river bed seemed to suck harder at his hooves, as if trying to pull him in and bury him forever. His whole body started to shiver despite himself. Perhaps he should follow her example and step out of the water.

But just as he was about to pry his hoof from the clutches of the riverbed, the mare opened her mouth and spoke again and he found himself frozen to the spot in quiet horror.

She could...talk to the dead. She could...bring them back to life...

Something pricked at the corners of his eyes and he blinked back old tears that he hadn't wanted to form. He would not lose himself. He would not shame himself in front of this mare. But still, could she...could he...? Would he get an opportunity to speak once more to his dead lover? To apologise. To explain. Could he even face her?

Valentine almost opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself. Saga had said something about them not being like they were. Being empty shells. It had sounded like her ability was not a joyous gift to the ones she brought back, but a curse. A sorrow.

He wanted to move but he couldn't. He wanted to speak but nothing but empty air came from the movement of his lips. There was a lump in the back of his throat, killing his words before they had chance to breathe.

Finally, after what seemed an age, Valentine managed to compose himself somewhat, but his voice was broken and ragged when he found it. "You're telling me...your power...you can...converse. With the dead. You can talk to them? You can bring them back? How...? How is that even possible?" Despite how much he may have wanted it, have thought about it. He had never actually believed that it would ever be possible. That anyone would ever be able to.

Speaking again with mouth dry -dry, but he realised he didn't want to drink in the water now- Valentine still struggled to comprehend what was going on, what was happening. "But..when you bring them back...they're not...not right? Have you done it? Brought someone back, I mean. Have you?" Now he thought about it, he figured it was a silly question to ask. If he had such a power, he wouldn't hesitate to use it. "I'm sorry. I find this hard to comprehend. But, it must be terrible for you. Having to listen to the voices of the dead. having to bear their sorrows wherever you go? Do you get peace?" He truly did feel sorry for her having to carry such a burden with her. It must be a painful experience, especially if she ever had the voice of someone she once knew ringing in her ears.

One more thing, he just had to ask, for the sake of his own -now quite shattered- comfort. "And...the water...is there something wrong with it?"

.... ........ .. ........
ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

The prolonged silence between them worried her, had she already scared him off so soon? Her heart sank and she glanced at the souls swirling around his body in the water, perhaps she should tell him. But there was nothing to fear from the souls, at least for him. There was no responsibility for him, no worry that if they touched him they’d come back, they’d be able to wander the world as they please…but with the drawback that no soul that came back was ever as they were before they died, just a ghost. Saga swallowed back the tears that strangled her throat and restricted her airways, forbidding her from taking normal breaths.

Had she already ruined a budding friendship so soon?

The mare would give anything to trade her power, but every horse on the island knew that you either had powers or you didn’t, there was simply no way around it, no amount of magic or sorcery could deprive a creature of their power. Nor had Saga heard of anyone being able to take away powers, if she knew of such a creature she would have gone to them in a heartbeat, rather she be powerless than burdened with the whispers of
Save me.
I did not deserve to die.
I had a family.
I left a lover.
Death is not kind to its inhabitants, save me, please.

All day every day all in her head, there was no end to the torment.

There was the slim hope in the back of her bothered mind that her power was just like a telepath’s, if she had enough practice she’d be able to block out the pleas from the dead, but she had not met a single experienced telepath to help her learn to control her powers, she needed a Professor X of Palmyra to rescue her from the insanity that the dead world had in store for her. Unfortunately for her there was no such creature on the entire planet that could relieve her of her unwanted agony.

How long can one endure such torture?

Saga was pleasantly surprised when he did not turn around and run off at the mention of her powers like most others would, he was most certainly topping the charts of ‘oddest encounters’ in her life. Looking at him curiously (like she’d find the reason why he stayed) she couldn’t help but notice the sadness in his eyes had returned, she wondered if speaking of the dead was a sore spot. After years of being forced to reckon with the dearly departed, she had grown insensitive to the passing of another, but she was a rare breed indeed. Valentine asked her how her power was possible, she merely shook her head,
If I knew the reason for my powers, I would have deactivated them long ago.

His next question hit her like a rock.

She stared at him with a very confused ‘why would you want to do that’ expression. If he knew the agony the dead were in even when she brought them back he would not be so keen to bring one back. While the temptation sounded great, the idea a wonderful thing most others did not understand, and most would never understand. All they saw was a way to talk to a dead child, a scorned lover, a betrayed brother, or better yet, a way to give them a second chance!

But life was cruel and nothing ever worked out like they did in fairy tales.

Oh I wouldn’t even call it ‘brought back’. It’s as if somewhere in transit from the second world back to the first a part of their soul gets ripped away. They’re still ghosts. They’re still dead, they’re just able to roam wherever they please…with half a soul. It’s a painful thing to see, to you it may sound like a bucket of rainbows and puppies, but it’s more like a bucket of misery and bones. I used it first on my friend. I don’t know where she is now…probably hoping I drown myself in a river or something. I’ve brought plenty other souls back by accident.

It’s not easy being Atlas with the world of the dead on your back and life’s an uphill battle…both ways.

Saga shuddered at the thought. He asked if she ever had peace, she smiled sadly,
Why, dear Valentine, there is no rest for the dead, no relief for the communicator of the dead.
He mentioned the water again, her pink eyes were drawn to the milky souls swirling around his legs, if she could make him see what she saw then he’d understand, but she merely lied through her teeth, a fake smile plastered on her pretty face,
Piranhas. There are piranhas in there.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
.. .. ... .. ... .. .. . .. ...

Oh he was getting more confused and, if honest, more creeped out and scared by the minute. But he wouldn't admit that, he didn't want to hurt the mare's feelings, nor did he want her to leave. Her company was soothing for him right now. Yes. Even amid all this morbid and slightly depressing talk of death and the dead and burdensome powers.

He couldn't help but grimace inwardly as he noticed that Saga seemed to be upset. Had he upset her? He hadn't meant to, he hadn't wanted to. He hoped she would still stay and talk to him; keep him away from his negative musings.

Considering her own negative description of her powers, it came as no surprise to Valentine when the mare mentioned that she would rid herself of her power if she could. But still, to be able to converse with a loved one who had passed away, with family, with friends who had left this world...to him it seemed like a gift. But maybe he could never understand what she went through, what pain she heard from those gone. Death...to be at peace...maybe it wasn't really peaceful at all.

He brought his gaze away from her as she stared at him, he didn't want to see the look on her face; he already knew that that was the wrong thing to have said, he just hoped he hadn't put his foot in it, so to speak.

Listening to her next words sent another shiver right down his spine. So it really wasn't worth it. To bring someone back, that was.

"I'm sorry..." He didn't know what else to say. He felt like he had started a horrible topic for this mare, a hurtful, painful, saddening topic. To think that she had brought back her friend just to find out with horror that she wasn't the same. She was a ghost of her former self (no pun intended).

Valentine wanted to end this terribly depressing conversation, he really did. Unfortunately, his curiosity prevented that from happening.

"It...must have been an awful experience for you. To lose your friend, just to bring her back and find she wasn't the same. I'm sorry..." he apologised again, trying to tread carefully around this delicate subject. "...but I have to ask. What was it like? I mean, what was your friend like after you brought her back? Did she talk? What did she do? Did she remember anything?" Valentine was eager to know exactly what the 'ghosts' were like when they came back to life and if they were able to speak, to remember their past lives, everyone they used to know.

He was also aware that Saga would most definitely not be one hundred percent comfortable talking about this; especially her experience after bringing her friend back. He looked her in the eyes, his deep blue ones filled with sincerity, sorrow, and conveying his apologies for stepping in such...sensitive territory.

"You don't have to answer, you know. I'm aware that this may be hard for you to talk about. We can stop, if you want. I'm just curious; I don't need to know."

He felt bad for her when she said that she had no peace, no rest, no respite from this awful power. Maybe he should stop talking about it; he certainly wasn't helping her get peace by keeping asking her questions about it, was he?

As he was about to tell her to forget it; they could talk about something else, she mentioned piranhas in the river and his eyes widened in shock.

Water splashed up around him as he freed his hooves from the muddy bed and practically jumped onto the bank, breathing heavily. "Piranhas!? Why didn't you say before?" Valentine looked at her with eyes still wide in shock, before turning his gaze back to the water's surface and looking into it. The mud was just settling and he could see to the bottom. There were a few small fish...but no piranhas. At least, none he could see.

"Are there...are there really piranhas in the river?" he asked, raising the equivalent to an eyebrow at her.

.... ........ .. ........
ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

The grey mare silently wondered if the talk of death was boring and depressing him yet. She was oddly patient with morbid subjects, and as much as most of it involved her own torture Saga felt that talking eased the screams in her head, so when she was engaged in the rare conversation, she did anything to keep it going, she didn’t want the voices to come back, she didn’t want to return back to the torture. Valentine’s questions did not bother her, but she was sure he was probably beginning to tire of the subject.

Perhaps he thought he was annoying her with his questions, but it was impossible to annoy the small grey mare.

However, his question about her friend hit her very hard. She had pushed those memories so far back in her mind that they merely dwelled in the shadows, but his question brought the pain rushing forward like a broken dam. How could she have known what her powers would do? If she knew that no soul could come back as a mortal then she would have not done such a selfish thing, but in her mind it was a justifiable action at the time, she had lost the only thing she had to talk to in the world, to her there was no other option (minus the fact that she could have just as easily talked to her friend’s soul on a daily basis).

While she found his question painful, she also found it odd.

Very few horses were interested (or perhaps desperate) to know how the resurrected were like; it was as if he was weighing the pros and cons of a potential happiness. Perhaps he missed a sibling or a parent, an ancestor, wanted to seek wisdom from an elder long lost. The one thing she did not bother to consider was a lover. Saga was partial to love, her twisted look on regular life carried on to a love life, all she knew was that everyone died and you had to move on somehow, even when moving on seems like a mission impossible.

Though, the only reason for such an outlook was the effect of having to deal with the dead.

Taking a deep break the closed her eyes and brought forth the memories of just what her friend looked like in her second life,
Kaikala was a bright, excitable mare when she was alive, very sweet. Who would have thought she could have joined the army? It’s hard to lose the only person in the world that you care about. I had never tried to bring someone back before, but I was desperate and in my mind her resurrection was the only way out of misery. At first, it was wonderful, we had heart-felt ‘I’m sorry’s’ and shared secrets, but I look back at it now and it was merely my enthusiasm that made her seem so lively. When I finally took a step back and looked at it I realized she was nothing more than an emotionless shell capable of speech and full of her most important memories, everything else lost. I couldn’t stand to watch her every day, all she would do was float around in a sorrowful manner with a grimace on her face and a stare of a thousand miles, you could never catch her gaze…

Saga looked down at her feet then back at him.

Surely you are not considering asking me to bring someone back? I can guarantee the reunion would only leave you even more hollow than when they died.
She was prepared to go on, but his apologies were beginning to get under her skin. She did not want his sorrow or sympathy. That was just how life went. If he thought she was about to cry over the subject then he was sorely mistaken, no tears would fall from her pink eyes that was for damn sure. But before she could continue he caught her comment about piranhas and launched out of the river, water spraying everywhere, the souls that had previously been swirling around his feet scattered like a school of startled fish.

The mare couldn’t help but smile at his exasperation.

Of course there were no piranhas in the river, those type of fish swam farther upstream, was safe, and she was too wary to explain the history of the river. She nodded as he said something about piranhas and put on her best fake look of seriousness,
Absolutely. They’re all just hiding now because you moved.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
.. .. ... .. ... .. .. . .. ...

Listening to this...it wasn't easy, but he guessed that neither was talking about it. It must be painful for the mare to talk about her friend; he knew he found it hard to talk about his past. But, maybe the mare was different; living with the souls of the dead whispering, screaming? in your ear everyday would surely give one some sort of...experience was really the only word he could think of. Maybe she was used to dealing with such sorrow. But still...

He watched the mare intently as she closed her eyes to recall her friend. He could relate to the pain of having someone that close to you die, and he could relate to the guilt of being partially responsible. She must feel some sort of remorse at bringing her friend back to become such an empty being. He felt he could understand this mare and she could understand him more than most; it made him feel...just a bit happier, uplifted. But was it right for him to allow himself to get just so close to her? They had only met, but he felt like he knew her so much now.

Any thoughts of asking her to try and resurrect his dead lover were blown from his mind, however. And only partially because of her words; how could he put her through something like that after already causing her so much pain in the past? There was no way...no way...he would never be able to make his peace with her until he died, and even then, he didn't know if he could face her after breaking their promise -if one went, the other would follow. Morbid, perhaps, but they had been each other's reason for living...well, so Valentine had thought.

But it was not right to dwell on such thoughts again, he may end up getting angry with himself, with her, and with him, and then he could face a repeat of that time. It just wouldn't do.

Valentine would not ask the mare to bring back the dead, he could not request such a thing. She was nice and friendly, he just couldn't make her go through something like that. Even if he didn't know what it was like, he felt that she didn't want to, and he would respect that. He didn't want her to either.

About to apologise once more, Valentine looked up and caught her smile at his leap out of the river.

Smiling back, he made a decision that he liked to see this mare smile. It made him want to smile to, it made him feel at least a bit happier. He wanted to make sure she kept her smile on her face. he wanted to make the smile reach even deep into her eyes.

Valentine looked back into the water, trying to seek out the piranhas, expose their hiding places so he could be watchful. Of course, he didn't see any. "Huh. Sneaky little things, aren't they? I can't see any at all." Flicking his tail in aggravation at not being able to see the nasty creatures, Valentine shrugged his shoulders and looked up at her with mock hurt in his eyes. "But still...one would get the impression that you wanted me to be fish food. You could have told me sooner...warned me that I was standing in a potential feeding zone." He carried the mock hurt to his voice as he spoke, but kept a joking lilt in it, so he would be sure she knew he wasn't serious. He could lighten the mood somewhat, at least. A change of subject -even if she didn't need it (he did, so his thoughts wouldn't wander to the past)- was in order.

Shaking out a light chestnut mane, Valentine looked up at the moon, which was slowly making it's way across the sky, surrounded by thousands of twinkling stars. It was a beautiful night, by all means, and he wasn't tired enough to waste it in sleep.

Blue eyes found pink ones and Valentine smiled again at Saga. "Since bathing in the river's out of the picture, I would be honoured if you accompanied me on a stroll along the river side, the night is perfect for it." All of his gentlemanly demeanour had returned to him and he bowed his head at the grey mare once again. "Of course, if you don't want to, I would understand perfectly. It's just...I find your company rather pleasant." Indeed, he was enjoying the company of this mare and he would like to keep this feeling of contentment for as long as he could.

He chuckled lightly and indicated toward the river with his head. "Of course, if you had let the piranhas feast upon me, I could have the pleasure of your company for a long time. And, trust me, I would never let you hear the end of it; you wouldn't hear any other souls over my voice!" He only meant it as a light joke, with the mirth clearly evident in his voice, intending no harm. He actually wouldn't mind her company, he felt they could be good friends.

And maybe it would be good for two lonesome wanderers to find respite for just one night. It would be nice to wile away the hours immersed in conversation instead of in one's own thoughts.

.... ........ .. ........
ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE

[A S A R]

IVE BEEN SO HOLLOW INSIDE!

The smile that crossed his face when he caught sight of hers made her heart warm up. It was rare such happiness was shared around her and she wanted more of it. To her, smiles were worth more than friendship, something she did not get often and it made her feel like she was normal, like all the voices in her head disappeared. Smiles were her drug and she wanted more of it. She was greedy, Saga wanted as many smiles she could get.

It surprised her how much he believed her about the piranhas and not questioning her lie.

As Valentine looked back into the water she walked up beside him and gazed down at the souls he could not see, watched as they clustered towards the banks, begging for a release from their watery grave. Taking a tiny step back to make sure that she did not touch the water at all (if you gave those damn souls an inch they’d take it a fucking mile), she perked an ear in his direction and made a small laughing noise (something so rare for her) as he joked about her probably just wanting him to become fish food, the joking tone in her voice matched his,
Oh of course, I was hoping they’d come and gnaw at your legs a bit. But really! You shouldn’t be worried, because I could have easily brought you back or conversed with you as you pestered me for the rest of your life.
But they both knew that she really wouldn’t do that.

The teasing was something she had missed.

It was one of the things about friendship that made maintaining such a relationship all worthwhile. It was the connection between two friends that allowed them to ease about anything without offending the other. The inside jokes, the secrets, the joys of friendship. Unfortunately, she knew eventually she would have to part from her new found friend, she wouldn’t allow herself to get so attached. Because they both knew far too well that everything dies and when that happens there’s nothing to look forward to but a dark void torn open by the death, a hole unable to be filled by anything else in the world, they would be forced to wander for the rest of their natural lives wondering what all they had missed out on.

Saga quickly shook the depressing thoughts from her head and forced herself to focus on the here and now.

His invitation struck her as odd, no one had ever invited her to take a midnight walk with them, but she noticed the lack of voices whenever he talked to her, so she was not about to turn down his generous offer, putting on her brightest and whitest smile she looked at the moon and said,
Well, I don’t really have anywhere to be, and I must admit, when I speak, there is a general lack of voices bothering me so why would I turn down the chance for a minor rest from the screams? But by all means, please do not let me keep you from your other business should you have any.
So polite, just like mommy and daddy had raised her. Wouldn’t they be so proud of their little girl?

Probably not.

But now was not the time for remorseful trips back into her childhood, which would merely ruin her mood. She listened to him and laughed as he mentioned if she did indeed let him be devoured by the piranhas that his voice would be the loudest of them all. This delighted her to an extent; she would not mind hearing his voice for the entirety of her life. In the darkest depths of her mind, a selfish monster reared its ugly head and told her to drown him. Where the morbid and murderous thought came from she did not know, but the beast in her mind scared her and she quickly pushed it down.
Ah, perhaps that was my clever plan. Maybe I want to only hear your voice! It’d most certainly be a change from the thousand other voices making a racket up here in my head; it’s like a whole crowd of them all biding for my attention. Just one single voice I could most certainly get used to.
Turning to face parallel to the river she started to walk forward and said,
Come now, the moon’s only got a limited amount of time.
At that she rejoiced.

The voices were less during the day.

[* - - RENEGADE !]

LET'S CONSPIRE TO RE-IGNITE
.. .. ... .. ... .. .. . .. ...

Cheerful mood had been successfully set and, even though their problems and pasts and burdens would still be hanging in the air -relentless and clingy as they were-, Valentine was sure that they could keep this happiness around them until the end of the night, at least. Though he would do anything to keep this warm and fuzzy feeling for as long as he could; even for an eternity, so he could be forever immersed in this contentment.

Even the nagging voice in the back of his head, the one which was always telling him not to get close, was somewhat suppressed by the mare's laughter.

And oh, what he wouldn't give to hear that laugh again.

Although he raised an eyebrow at her next comment; made somewhat jokingly but he knew that, after her talk about raising the dead, it was something she wouldn't do, and something he wouldn't want her to do. Who would want to become what she had described? He most certainly would never want to become a soulless, emotionless, empty being (even if he had come close to that before, with no meaning and no direction in life), he wouldn't want to go back to those kinds of dark days. But he kept his mouth shut, no use ruining the light mood, it simply wouldn't do, and he managed to keep the happy, light expression on his face while he thought.

As such, he managed to miss the shake of her head and just looked up in time to catch her toothy smile. A smile that, like much of the others, made the warm fuzzy feeling ripple stronger through his body for a brief moment of pleasure. It was amazing, the power of a simple smile directed towards oneself; the power of a friend. And now that he had experienced it -after such a lengthy time of carefully closing himself off- he realised that he wouldn't be able to give it up. Wasn't it worth it? This time of happiness, even if it ended in sorrow...things couldn't repeat themselves again, he wouldn't have the heavy guilf weighing upon him again, surely?

Valentine looked into her pink eyes before he spoke; such an odd colour for eyes, yet strangely, such a gorgeous colour as well. And why; when he had made the invitation, why would she think he had other business to attend to? The thought made another warm smile grace his lips again. "Oh, there is no worry, my dear, there is nothing I need to do, nowhere I need to be, and no one I need to meet. Other than walking, by the river, with you, of course." He looked down at his hooves and awkwardly cleared his throat; smooth gentlemanly appearance replaced with that of an awkward schoolboy. "I'm...glad that I can at least be of some help to give you some...relief from the voices."

He was also glad that she had accepted his offer, though he felt no need to mention that.

And how his heart leapt when she let out another laugh! He would consider turning into some sort of comedian of the horse world -even a clown- so he could make her laugh all the time. Laughter was something he had not heard in a long time and as much as it stirred up memories of happier times (which may be a good thing if it didn't lead to memories of sadder times), he wanted to hear that laughter, to get drunk on it and sing along to it with his own heavy laughter. Such a simple yet truly astounding and regenerating thing, laughter was -but then again, laughter is the best medicine and it was certainly doing wonders for him.

The stallion smiled again for what felt like the hundredth time that night and then it was his turn to fill the air with his hearty chuckle as Saga told him of her master 'plan'. He was lucky he couldn't, for he would never be able to hide the blush that would have made his way onto his face. "My, my..." the light, joking, friendly mocking tone was still in his voice as he spoke again. "I guess I'd better be careful around you, now! But perhaps I can stay in the realm of the living and still broadcast my voice enough to drown out all the others! Although I do find it odd that they would want to return to life if they knew how empty it would be..." Valentine's voice grew quiet at the last part, so it was barely a whisper and he didn't know if it would reach Saga's ears or not. Part of him wished he hadn't said it.

Moving closer to her side, Valentine walked along with her, looking up at the night sky and wearing a huge grin on his face. "Yes, we'd better get a move on, lest we waste such a beautiful night! Not that I'd call it wasteful, to spend the hours talking to you, but getting in a nightly stroll is most certainly as relaxing as bathing in the cool water. Even more so, if the piranhas were to be taken into account!"

Chuckling again, Valentine felt more at peace than he had for a while; another part of him was beginning to wish this night would never end.

.... ........ .. ........
ALL THE SOULS THAT WOULD DIE JUST TO FEEL ALIVE